eGuide Archives: How to protect your child from a molester
How to protect your child from a molester Tickles, hugs, and a pat on the bottom are normal displays of affection practiced by average parents. This sort of touching is an integral part of building healthy family relationships. However, the need for physical intimacy within family relationships creates a degree of "built-in" vulnerability in our children unless we arm them to fend off the advances of potential molesters.While we don't want to discourage healthy demonstrations of affection, parents should remember that one in four children will be victimized. Even larger percentages are approached by potential abusers without success. Talk to Your Children... Your best means of protecting your child is to teach him or her the difference between "good touches" and "bad touches" and what to do in case the worst happens. Here are the main points to emphasize and a suggested approach for teaching children. 
Remember, it is not your desire to create fear or paranoia in your child, so teach in matter-of-fact terms. Just as you would instruct your children about escaping fire in the home, you need tell them only how to escape. There is no need to dwell on the details of what might happen if they don't, especially if your child is quite young.
Like adults, children are the owners and keepers of their bodies. If children are to develop a healthy sense of personal safety, they must have the right to say who and how others may touch or look at their bodies. While it might seem harmless, never force a child to kiss someone when they seem reluctant. Never force them into physical situations which upset them. This sends a subtle message that they must submit to uncomfortable touches. "Good touches" (those which are morally acceptable) make one feel good, safe and loved. Examples of "good touches" for a child might include a goodnight kiss or a warm hug, being gently tickled or bounced on mommy's knee, holding hands or riding piggyback with daddy. "Bad touches" (those that are morally unacceptable) leave an uncomfortable feeling, not the feelings of love, respect and safety that "good touches" bring. "Bad touches" might include a pinch, a hard slap or a touch in a private area. A place usually covered by a swimsuit is off limits for touching by anyone unless you or your spouse is present or have specifically approved. One such exception might be a doctor. Most reputable physicians insist a parent be present when a small child is examined. If you are uncomfortable with your pediatrician's policy ask about it without appearing defensive. Teach your child to say NO! to a "bad touch." Even if it is an adult and even if that adult is a relative, neighbor or a family friend, your child must know to say NO!...loudly and firmly. Then your child should be instructed to get away, FAST! Trust Is Key... Your children must learn to trust you. They must know to tell you immediately if someone does a "bad touch." Be sure to emphasize that if someone asks them not to tell they must always tell. Reassure them you will always believe them. Promise your children you will not be mad at them. Tell them that if you do not seem to understand the first time, they need to keep telling until you realize a "bad touch" has happened. If your child tells you a "bad touch" has occurred, be sure to get all the facts from the child as soon as possible. Remember that it is your child who matters most. Listen, instead of reacting to your understandable anger. Be careful not to destroy any evidence. Do not allow your anger to overwhelm you. You need clear thinking for the sake of your child. Your child will sense your anger, so be sure the child understands you are not mad at him or her. Do not take matters into your own hands. Contact the proper law enforcement agency immediately. Reinforce to your child that you cherish and love him or her. Remind them that they have not done anything bad. Try to find out if the offender threatened to harm your child for telling. Be Consistent... Do not teach this to your child just once. Periodic review of the basic concepts is critical. This is especially true with a younger child. Reminder of the week: You need to have conversations about your child's body and his or her "right" to control it frequently, particularly when he or she is young. Broach the subject in a direct, matter-of-fact manner this week. |
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