eGuide Archives: Peer Pressure

Peer Pressure

• Teach young people how to refuse offers for cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. Making children comfortable with what they can say goes a long way. For instance, shy children and adolescents might be more comfortable saying, "no thanks," or "I have to go," while those who are more outgoing might saying something like, "forget it!" or "no way!" No matter what approach parents choose, it is important for them to role-play peer-pressure situations with their children.
• Talk to young people about how to avoid undesirable situations or people who break the rules. Children and adolescents who are not in situations where they feel pressure to do negative actions are far less likely to do them. Likewise, those who choose friends who do not smoke, drink, use drugs, steal, and lie to their parents are far less likely to do these things as well.
• Remind children that there is strength in numbers. When young people can anticipate stressful peer pressure situations, it might be helpful if they bring friends for support.
• Let young people know that it is okay to seek an adult's advice. While it would be ideal if children sought the advice of their parents, other trusted adults can usually help them avoid most difficult situations, such as offers to smoke, drink, or use drugs.
• Nurture strong self-esteem. Strong self-esteem helps children and adolescents make decisions and follow them, even if their friends do not think some choices are "cool." Some ways parents can do this include being generous with praise, teaching children how to perceive themselves in positive ways, and avoiding criticism of children that takes the form of ridicule or shame. See vol1_iss34.

• Parent relationships are not necessarily undermined by peer relationships. During adolescence, relationships between parents and teens are more often re-negotiated rather than rejected. During adolescence, teens become increasingly autonomous and take on more adult roles. They also develop their own ideas and start mapping their own lives. They begin to spend more time with and value their friends more than they used to. Thus, it might seem as if they are starting to cut ties with parents and reject their ideals. In fact, rather than cutting off ties, teens are just renegotiating the parent-child relationship. What this means is that they are beginning to shift the relationship to incorporate their increasing independence and maturity. As teens become more mature, the type of relationship they have with their parents naturally begins to shift as the teen begins to mature.
• While it seems that teens are influenced by their peers, parents continue to be the most influential factor in their lives. Despite fears parents have about their teens rejecting their values and beliefs, parents continue to be of significant influence. Teens report having political, religious, and general beliefs similar to their parents, and consider their parents as being highly significant and influential in their lives. Positive relationships between parents and teens also equip youth to have healthy relationships with friends. Teens who have high quality relationships with parents also report having a positive relationship with their peers.
• Parent-adolescent conflict increases between childhood and early adolescence; although in most families, its frequency and intensity remain low. Typically, conflicts are the result of relationship negotiation and continuing attempts by parents to socialize their adolescents, and do not signal the breakdown of parent-adolescent relations. Parents need to include adolescents in decision-making and rule-setting that affects their lives.
• Parents who continue to communicate with their teens, even when there are conflicts, actually maintain closer relationships. While it might seem futile to talk to teens when it leads to conflicts and disagreements, most teens continue to report having a close relationship with their parents, and as mentioned earlier, they still report parents as being a significant influence on their lives. So parents need to continue talking to their teens and maintaining an open line of communication, rather than simply trying to avoid disagreements.